Mets Day 652 – The middle of existence

Mets Day 652 - The middle of existence

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Today I went to GW for a sonogram of my heart, and a experiment for the pulmonary characteristic of my lungs. These tests are intended to pass judgement on regardless of whether either my heart or lungs have been damaged because of the ddMVAC chemotherapy, or have some diverse impairment unrelated to my melanoma cures. I assume that I'll get the results in just a couple of days. Hopefully the entirety may have a look at.
Meanwhile, I've been attempting to parent what, if in any way, I deserve to be doing in in a diverse way for this purpose of the scan beforehand this month that showed that my mets were usual. On the one hand, I can not sleep for two or 3 months the place I will be spared from any additional remedy. On diverse hand, I apprehend that that could be nearly assured that at some part my melanoma will proceed to unfold. It's challenging to make any plans for extra than two or 3 months, for this purpose of I may have a scan in April that visual display unit sets additional boom, and then I'll  resolve what cures I'll have, if any.

I recall that extra than 95% of patients with metastatic bladder melanoma die from the ailment within 5 years. In assertion, the median time of death is around 18 months. I'm already previous that part. As time is happening, I apprehend that the percentages that my melanoma will unfold will proceed to enhance. I settle for that I haven't any handle over the diagnosis of the ailment. I have made up our minds that my repute of that assertion has freed me from being desirous about regards to the very immoderate danger that in a smarter 3 years or so, I will die of metastatic bladder melanoma. If it happens, it happens. As Kahil Gibran wrote,

You would apprehend the key of death.
But how shall you uncover it unless you search for it within the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day gained't unveil the mystery of faded.
If you'd truly behold the spirit of death, open your heart huge unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the ocean are one.

In the depth of your hopes and necessities lies your silent competencies of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming below the snow your heart targets of spring.
Trust the targets, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your worry of death is irrespective of this the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful below his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not extra conscious of his trembling?

For what is it to die irrespective of this to face bare within the wind and to soften into the sun?
And what is it to cease respiring, irrespective of this to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may maybe upward thrust and enhance and search for God unencumbered?

Only whilst you drink from the river of silence shall you certainly sing.
And everytime you're taking place to have reached the mountain preferrred, then you shall start out to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you in herbal dance.

While I live, I want to spend my days well. From now till mid-May, Jennifer and I have devoted to care for our granddaughter even if Chelsea finishes medical college, and Josh works. I can handle of few how one can greater spend my time than aiding my own family, and caring for my granddaughter. In that way, I handle I have made up our minds the heart of life.

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